she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
