your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
