Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
