No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
