I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
