woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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