I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize