oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize