im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
