We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
