I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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