Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
