i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
