great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
