so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
