The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
