I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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