Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
