i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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