I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
