Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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