I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
