dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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