Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
