So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
