i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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