Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
