Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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