Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
