its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
