Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
