I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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