i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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