You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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