just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
