nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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