I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
