similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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