you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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