You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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