I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
