I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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