Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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