just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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