No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
