This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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