Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
