omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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