Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am available for nakedness
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
