just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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