And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
