I smell stomach acid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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