my mouth tastes like poor choices
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
