If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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