Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
