please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
