i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
