I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
