Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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