new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
