On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
