My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
