so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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