i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
nutella sex= disaster
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
