she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
