dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
