i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
