So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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