If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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