As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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