I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
