did you get engaged???
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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