i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
