Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize